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1.)  Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a GIFT.

That's why it's called the present.

 

 

2.)  "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

- Catherine Aird

 

 

3.)  "Be yourself as long as you're exactly like me."  - Anonymous

 

 

4.)  What's good for the gander is good for the goose.

(Yes, I meant to type it this way!)

 

 

5.)  Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

 

 

6.)  First God created movies, then She made Mel Gibson!

 

 

7.)  "The grand essentials of happiness are:  something to do,

something to love, and something to hope for."   - Allan K. Chalmers

 

 

8.)  Remember this . . . if someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown,

but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them upside the head!

 

 

9.)  Eat a toad first thing in the morning,

then nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

 

 

10.)  "Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous;

you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides."  - Margaret Thatcher

 

 

11.)  Men are like fine wine.  They all start out like grapes, and it's our

job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark

until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

 

 

12.)  "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.

Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

 

13.)  Who gossips to you . . . Will gossip about you.

 

 

14.)  Great minds discuss ideas.  Average minds discuss events.

Small minds discuss people.

 

 

15.)  The early bird gets the worm . . . but the early worm gets eaten.

 

 

16.)  Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

- Warren Buffet

 

 

17.)  Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

 

 

18.)  What part of "Thou Shalt Not. . ." didn't you understand?  - God

 

 

19.)  "I work for the Post Office...You KNOW I'm crazy!!!"

- Sinbad in "Jingle All The Way", 1996

 

 

20.)  When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away

the ticket and jump off.  You sit still and trust the engineer.

- Corrie Ten Boom, author and Holocaust survivor.

 

 

21.)  Don't get overwhelmed by all of the things you have to do for Spring Cleaning.

Do a little bit at a time. Work for 50 minutes and take a break for 10.

Whatever you do, don't lay down on the couch until you're all done!

I did that once and I didn't finish 'til Autumn.   - Sally Morgan

 

 

22.)  Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 

 

23.)  Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

 

 

24.)  "Why should I waste my time reliving the past

when I can spend it worrying about the future?"  - Unknown

 

 

25.)  The length of a minute depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

 

 

26.)  Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

 

27.)  "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy"

- Benjamin Franklin

 

 

28.)  The alarm clock was invented by the Devil in order to prevent

    anyone from being happy for more than 24 hours in a row.

 

 

29.)  May you have...

enough happiness to make you sweet,

enough trials to make you strong,

enough sorrow to keep you human,

enough hope to make you happy.

 

 

30.)  Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. - Evelyn Waugh

 

 

31.)  Well, the truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.

- Garak, 'Deep Space Nine'

 

 

32.)  Did you ever notice . . .

that when you put the 2 words "the" and "IRS" together,

it spells: THEIRS ? ? ?

 

 

33.)  "Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." -Emo Phillips

 

 

34.)  "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -George Carlin

 

 

35.)  "Life may have no meaning...

Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove." -Ashleigh Brilliant

 

 

36.)  "My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." -Ashleigh Brilliant

 

 

37.)  If you're having a bad day, just reboot. - Speed Bagr

 

 

38.)  If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect...

why practice?

 

 

39.)  I was drowning my sorrows, but my sorrows, they learned to swim.

- U2, Until The End Of The World

 

 

40.)  In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

- Robert Frost

 

 

41.)  Just be thankful you're not getting all the government you're paying for.

- Will Rogers

 

 

42.)  You never know how much you have to be thankful for until you pay taxes on it.

- Rev. Denny J. Brake, Raleigh NC

 

 

43.)  The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal

probably eats better than thirty percent  of the people in this world.

 

 

44.)  Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

 

 

45.)  Those who discourage your dreams, likely have abandoned their own.

 

 

46.)  Those who know, don't tell. Those who tell, don't know.

 

47.)  I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.

48.)  "Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not,
and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is." - Oscar Wilde

49.)  Take your life in your own hands and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame. - Erica Jong

 

50.)  In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.
- Paul Harvey

 

51.)  Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars. - Les Brown

 

52.)  Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it. - Irving Berlin

 

53.)  Always be a little kinder than necessary. - James M. Barrie

 

54.)  Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

 

55.)  A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. - Author unknown

 

56.)  Every person you meet knows something you don't. Learn. - Author unknown

 

57.)  A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument. - Author unknown

58.)  I was married for 17 years.  What went wrong?  It was all me.
I wasn't real happy with her choice of boyfriends. - Comedian John Rathbaum (sp?)

 

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